Everything We Did
by KT the Shimmer Skank
Summary: Gordo and Lizzie are the perfect couple. Nothing could tear them apart. They were meant for each other. They will live happily ever after. So then, why is it all going horribly wrong? COMPLETE
1. Gordo and his Girls

Disclaimers/Warnings: I don't own Lizzie McGuire, and I make no profit. This story is rated PG-13 for language, non-explicit sexual situations, and minor incidents of slash.  
  
Author's Notes: This is expected to be a fairly short fic, and I hope to complete it in six or seven chapters. Just fun, angsty romance with various pairings and all the confusion in between. People who are bored with typical L/G will probably dig this.  
  
"I finally did it. I finally told Lizzie how I feel. We were sitting in her living room, watching TV. Or, rather, Lizzie was watching TV. I was watching Lizzie. Watching the way the light filtered through the curtains behind the couch and lit up her face. She noticed I was watching her, and she turned to me. 'Gordo, why do keep doing that?' she asked. Strands of her blonde hair fell against her soft skin. She was like a picture. I couldn't keep it in anymore. I had to let her know, before it burned a whole right through my heart. I leaned forward and kissed her, and to my surprise, she kissed back. It was the most amazing moment of my life. When we broke apart, we just sat there, watching other. There was nothing we could say. Finally, I found my words. And I told her how much she meant to me... I told her how she makes my world, and how she's been the center of my thoughts for the past two years. So now Lizzie is my girlfriend. It still sounds so awesome to me. Lizzie is my girlfriend. I don't think I've ever been so happy my entire life. July 7, 2003."  
  
Parker McKenzie finished reading the journal entry in her mocking, romantic voice. She sat Indian-style on the floor of Gordo's bedroom in only her blue cotton underwear and a white wifebeater. She laughed as she turned the page to the next entry.  
  
Gordo was sprawled across his bed in boxers and a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, blushing. "No more," he begged. "I can't take it. You've tortured me enough, don't you think?"  
  
The half-naked brunette grinned playfully at him. "Oh, but it's just sooooo romantic," she teased. "Really, what a remarkable love story." She closed the dark green notebook and tossed it to him.  
  
Gordo rolled his eyes as he quickly slid the notebook under his mattress. "Yeah, well... I was a child at the time. My head was in the clouds."  
  
Parker laughed again as she reclined on Gordo's red carpet. She looked up at the ceiling, which was covered with white stars placed in their correct constellations. "It was only a year ago, Gordo."  
  
Gordo sighed, feeling his mood go from wonderful to solemn. "It feels like so much longer..." He thought back on the year that had gone by; his relationship with Lizzie, and later, his relationship with Parker. "So much has happened since then. And it's like, I still love Lizzie, but the only problem is, I can't stand her. I don't know. For some reason, I thought she would suddenly not be shallow once we started dating. I thought the hardest hurdle to overcome would be just getting together with her. It just hurts my brain to think about it. And you know what else? Lately she's just been..." He stopped speaking upon feeling soft lips kissing his neck. He hadn't noticed Parker crawl onto his bed while he was talking.  
  
"You know what," she said. "I really don't want to hear about Lizzie, Gordo."  
  
Gordo grinned. "I see. And what would you like to talk about?"  
  
She moved in to kiss him, causing him to lay on his back as her tongue massaged the inside of his mouth. He wrapped his arms around her and slid his hands beneath her shirt, feeling the soft flesh of her back.  
  
"I love you, Parker," he said softly as she moved to kiss his neck again.  
  
"Don't say that," she said in between kisses. "You know you don't mean it."  
  
"But--"  
  
Parker put her finger to Gordo's lips to silence him. "Just don't, okay? We've had this conversation before... this isn't love, Gordo. It's just... us. If you try to make it more than it is, it will just ruin it. Don't try to make us into something we're not."  
  
He sighed. "You're right. I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't be." As the two lovers continued to kiss in their warm embrace, there was a knock at the door.  
  
"Gordo?" called someone from the other side. "Are you awake? You're parents said I could come on back." It was Lizzie.  
  
"Crap," said Gordo, as he and Parker pulled away. "Uh, just a minute, Lizzie. I'm not dressed yet."  
  
Parker searched frantically around the floor for her clothes that she hadn't thought about since the night before. She sloppily slid them over her undewear and pushed open the window in the back of Gordo's room. She was always grateful that his bedroom was on the first floor.  
  
"I'll call you later," he told her, giving her a final peck on the cheek as she climbed through the window.  
  
Gordo picked up a pair of jeans from the floor and quickly put them on as he crossed the room to unlock the door. "Hey," he said as the door swung open, revealing Lizzie.  
  
She greeted him with a soft kiss on the cheek. "Hey!" she said. She cocked an eyebrow. "Did you just wake up? It's almost one in the afternoon." Gordo yawned as he nodded in response. Lizzie giggled and touseled his unbrushed curls. "Well, I thought we'd go to the mall today and do some shopping for the new year." Gordo hesitated, but Lizzie stopped him from responding. "I know you're not really into the whole shopping business, but you have to admit, you could use some new threads..." she motioned towards the hole in his faded t-shirt.  
  
"I happen to like my torn-up threads," he said.  
  
"Well, I guess you don't have to go if you don't want to, except..." She pretended to pout.  
  
"Except what?"  
  
"If you came with me, I was thinking of stopping somewhere for some pancakes."  
  
Gordo's demeanor changed. "Pancakes? Well, since you put it that way... I guess I could use a few new shirts." The couple laughed as they walked out of Gordo's room, arms linked.  
  
They went to High Street, Gordo's favorite diner because it sold pancakes twenty-four hours a day. It wasn't a big place. It held only the small kitchen, the bar, and seven or eight red booths. They sat down at their usual booth and ordered. Gordo put a few quarters in the jukebox while they waited for their food. He and Lizzie discussed what their sophmore year would bring, while Patsy Cline, Charles Mingus, and Red Hot Chili Peppers played in the background. Gordo's short stack with strawberries and whipped cream was placed before him just as the bell rang at the door.  
  
"Miranda!" squealed Lizzie, looking at the girl who had just walked in the diner.  
  
Miranda smiled softly, tucking her short, streaked brown hair behind her ear as she approached her two friends. She plopped down next to Lizzie and reached across the table to scoop away some of Gordo's whipped cream with her finger. "Hey guys," she said, leaning back comfortably in her seat. "What's up?"  
  
"Just fueling up for some shopping," Lizzie replied. Gordo nodded vaguely in agreement, but was too focused on his pancakes to engage in conversation. "You wanna come with?"  
  
Miranda shook her head. "Can't. My shift starts in, like, ten minutes." She held out her rolled-up red apron that read "High Street" across it.  
  
"Oh. Too bad." Lizzie took a gulp of her iced tea and stood up. "I'll be right back, guys." Miranda slid out of the booth to let Lizzie out. She sat back down and reached for another dallop of whipped cream as Lizzie walked towards the bathroom.  
  
This time, Gordo pulled his plate out of her reach. "Back off, man," he said, mouth full of pancake. "This isn't ordinary food, all right? These are pancakes."  
  
Miranda rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She smiled coyly and changed the subject. "So... I saw Parker crawling out of your window this morning."  
  
Gordo swallowed and looked up at her. "Really?"  
  
Miranda nodded. "I was chilling on my roof, having a smoke, and all of the sudden I see someone moving around in your backyard. Then I notice it's Parker, still buttoning up her pants." She laughed. "You are totally going to get caught one of these days, Gordo. Let's face it: you're just not suave enough to handle two girls at once."  
  
"Oh, and you are, of course?"  
  
Miranda shrugged with a smug grin. "I do have skills, you know."  
  
Gordo shook his head and returned to his pancakes. "I'm not really worried. Parker's not one I have to 'handle'. It's different with her... our relationship is mutually beneficial, and neither of us have to make sacrafices. It's just for fun."  
  
"Just for fun, huh? Then how come Parker's been coming over so often lately? It seems like you spend more time with her than you do with Lizzie."  
  
Gordo set down his fork and sighed. He rested his elbows on the table and ran his fingers through his hair. Miranda was right. Lately, he and Parker had been growing closer and closer. She was becoming more like a girlfriend and less like a side fling. He looked up at Miranda, his eyes desperate. "Miranda, I don't know what to do any more. I know the right thing to do would be to tell Lizzie, but I just can't."  
  
Miranda gave him a sympathetic look and softly pet his hair. "I think the right thing to do would be to choose between them. You and Parker are obviously getting serious... it's more than just a one-time thing at this point. I mean, how long has this been going on? Three, four months?"  
  
"Four months." There was a slight pause, as the length of it really sunk in. He hadn't realized before how long he and Parker had been seeing each other. "Ever since spring break."  
  
"Well, there you go. I'd say that officially qualifies as a legit relationship. You've got to choose, one or the other. Both of those girls love you so much, Gordo. It would be wrong to cheat either one of them out."  
  
"I wouldn't be so sure about Parker." He paused, trying to determine if he wanted to divulge any more details to Miranda. "You know what I did today? Parker and I were kissing, and... And I told her I loved her." Miranda's eyes grew wide with shock. "I know, I know. It came out of nowhere. She brought me back to reality, though. She's so cool about the whole thing; she acts like its nothing, even though the fact of the matter is, I'm cheating on my long time girlfriend to be with her."  
  
"That's just why you have to choose. End it now, before it blows up in your face."  
  
"I know!" He sighed, tossing his fork down on his plate. "I know, Miranda. It's just not that simple. Lizzie's the one for me. We have the perfect relationship. Sometimes I even think about us getting married. Lizzie and I are perfect for each other, whereas me and Parker are all wrong for each other. But, somehow... I just..."  
  
"You don't want to let Parker go?"  
  
Gordo nodded.  
  
Miranda stood up and started wrapping her apron around herself. "I've got to go clock in now. Take some time today and think things through." She reached out and gave him a reassuring pat on the head. "Don't worry, Gordo. It will all turn out okay."  
  
"What?" said Lizzie, sliding back into the booth. "What's wrong?"  
  
Miranda looked casually over at Lizzie, always a great liar. "Just giving Gordo some pointers for his inevitable indigestion. Right, Gordo?"  
  
"Yeah. Right." Gordo looked down sadly at his hlaf-eaten pancakes, his mind flooded with thoughts. He knew he would have to make a decision, and he would have to make it soon. But how could he do that, when his heart was pulling him in two different directions? 


	2. Looking Back and Looking Forward

__

It's about two in the morning right now. I can't believe what happened tonight. I went to Claire's stupid birthday party, after much badgering from Lizzie. I hate all those parties. Nothing but endless, mindless chatter about cute shoes and the football team's winning streak. But Lizzie loves them, so I'd feel bad if I didn't go with her. After the first few hours of teeny bopper jabber and plastic pop music, I managed to slip away for a smoke. Damn Miranda... I hate her for getting me into this. I went out into Claire's backyard and sat on the tire swing. That's when Parker McKenzie came out of nowhere. She was wearing a really low white blouse... but that's not the point. She asked me why I wasn't inside with everyone else. I held up my cigarette and said, "Bad habit." It was sort of weird, since Parker and I haven't talked much at all since last year, when she turned me down. 

But for some reason we just started talking. Somehow the conversation worked its way through God and honors World History and rice pudding and marijuana and war and society... I don't even know how long I was out there; I just got so caught up in the conversation. Without realizing it, Parker and I had moved closer to another and were inches away from each other. I don't know what came over me, but I kissed Parker. We started making out on Claire Miller's tire swing. I don't know how long we kissed, but we stopped when I heard Miranda's voice calling my name from the house. I looked at Parker for a minute, but I couldn't say anything. I ran back into the house. I never saw her come back into the party. Now I can't sleep. I'm so confused. Why did I kiss Parker?? I know I don't like her; I haven't liked her since I found out how shallow she was in the eighth grade. I just got so caught up in the moment. I feel so much guilt right now. First thing tomorrow, I've got to tell Lizzie what happened. There's no way I can keep this a secret. It was an accident... I just hope Lizzie can understand. March 28, 2004

The days of the long summer were slipping away fast. Gordo would be beginning his sophomore year soon. The last way he wanted to start out the new school year was with juggling two girlfriends. Just like Miranda said, it would all blow up in his face if he didn't figure something out soon. He sat in his room, reading through the journal he'd kept the past year. He thought that reading through old entries might help him understand how this whole mess had got started. He also hoped that it would help him make the right decision.

He hadn't told Lizzie about the kiss like he promised himself he would. He chickened out, and decided to keep it a secret. He figured it would be better if no one ever found out about it, and that he should just move on. That would have been a good plan, if only he had been able to stay away from Parker. Unfortunately, he ran into her only a week later at the Digital Bean...

He saw her at a table, reading and sipping a frappucino, and he froze. It was spring break, and he hadn't seen her since the party. He felt dreadfully uncomfortable to be around her again, especially since he had left her the other night without saying a word. He thought perhaps he could sneak out and not have to face her, but right as he headed towards the door Parker looked up and caught his eye.

"Gordo," she said. She motioned for him to come sit across from her at the table. 

Reluctantly, Gordo pulled up a chair. "Look, about the other night..." he began.

"Oh," said Parker, making a tsk noise and placing her hand on the table. "I totally meant to talk to you about that. Things obviously got way out of hand, but no hard feelings or anything. Whatever floats your boat." Gordo raised an eyebrow at her. She spoke as if they were discussing the weather, completely unphased. She continued. "But before, you know, things went oddly wrong, I couldn't help but notice we had a really nice conversation."

"Uh... yeah?" He was afraid to ask where she was going. Miranda always said it best: It's Parker; she's weird!

"Well, I heard from a friend of mine the other day about this arts festival in the park tomorrow night. They'll be street performers and a few really good jazz artists. It seemed like the kind of thing you might enjoy, and I wondered if you wanted to come with my crew and me. It's to raise money for SOPE, and we're trying to get some more people involved."

He was baffled. "Why are you raising money for soap?"

"It's Save Our Planet Earth: S-O-P-E. It's an environmental thing... and of course, we also want to promote the arts. What do you say? Wanna come with?"

"Are you serious? Parker, a week ago I was making out with you while at a party with my girlfriend. I really don't see how that constitutes us forming a friendship out of the blue. Call me crazy, but it seems just a little be awkward to go to some... soap festival with you."

Parker sighed and rolled her eyes. She took a sip of her frapuccino and continued. "That's an awfully childish way of looking at it, Gordo. Only a boy would be so immature as to dwell on one little kiss. It was just a kiss, okay? It was a mistake, but we're both mature enough to let it go, don't you think?" Gordo didn't seem too sure. Parker released another impatient sigh. "Look, you don't have to come if you don't want to. In fact, if it suits you, don't ever speak to me again. It honestly doesn't matter to me. I just thought you'd have fun at this thing. And you could bring Lizzie and Miranda, of course." She stood up, grabbing her drink and book. "If you decide to go, let me know. My friend Richard can give you guys a ride." She turned to leave.

Let her go, Gordo told himself. There's no way you should go to her stupid festival. She's an elitist bitch and she always has been. Besides, you can't take your girlfriend to hang out with the girl you just kissed behind her back! No, it's best to just ignore Parker and put this whole mess behind you.

"Parker... wait."

So, naturally, he went to the festival, despite everything his gut was telling him. It was just like in middle school, when Parker had asked him to dance even after being a complete jerk. He should have said no, and thrown it all right back in her face. But no, he just had to forgive her. She had a particularly evil way of talking him into things.

__

Holy shit. Something really really weird happened tonight. I don't think I ever could have seen this coming... It's still so fresh in my memory, I'm almost numb. I don't know what to think. It all started when Lizzie called earlier. She told me she was going to have to bail on me, because Veruca had found tickets to see some pop singer from Brazil or something stupid like that. I was really upset, so when Parker's friend Richard showed up, I went ahead and went. Richard was like twenty years old. All of Parker's friends were older. They all wore flowered shirts and beads, like hippies. I didn't understand how Parker could be such good friends with them all, since she seemed nothing like them. 

Somehow, though... it all went just right. I had the most amazing time ever. The hippies were really intelligent, and they spent hours talking about politics and music, while some crazy cats played some awesome blues. And Parker, wow, she was so into it all. I never realized how smart she was. I was completely blown away... so maybe that's what explains what happened next. At the end of the night they shot off fireworks. While everyone else was watching the skies Parker and I snuck off to the gazebo. We started making out again, but this time it was much more intense. The next thing I knew she was putting her hands down my pants, and to my surprise I started working my way up her shirt. We started doing things even Lizzie and I haven't done yet... one thing led to another. I cannot believe what I've done. I had sex with Parker McKenzie tonight, in a public place even. It feels so weird. I always thought my first time would be with Lizzie. Now I'm just really confused. I feel so guilty about what I've done, but at the same time part of me is so glad it happened. Does this make me a bad person? How could I do that to my girlfriend? Does this mean I like Parker instead of Lizzie? All I know now is that things have gone too far. I absolutely have to tell Lizzie tomorrow, no matter what. April 5, 2004.

"Why didn't I just tell Lizzie?" Gordo angrily asked himself aloud as he threw his journal across the room. If he had only told her right off the bat, he might not be in this mess.


	3. Romance and the Public Pool

Gordo dug through his drawers, hoping perhaps there was a pack of cigarettes concealed in one of them. His search turned up nothing, and he sighed with frustration. It was one in the afternoon, but he had only just rolled out of bed. Gordo was normally an early riser, but he his mind was so busy the night before that he hadn't slept well. Rubbing his tired eyes, the only thing he could think of was how badly his body was craving nicotine.  
  
He grabbed a pair of dirty jeans from his floor and slipped them on. He shoved his shoes on and tiredly walked across the street to Miranda's house.  
  
"Got any cigarettes?" was the first thing he said when Miranda opened the door.  
  
"It's nice to see you, too," she joked. "And ask a little louder, will you, so my parents can hear?"  
  
"Sorry. I just woke up, so I'm a little out of it."  
  
Miranda nodded in understanding. "Come on upstairs."  
  
Gordo walked into the Sanchez house and upstairs to Miranda's room, where the two of them climbed through the window onto the roof. Miranda pulled out and cigarette for herself and lit it, then tossed the pack and the lighter to Gordo.  
  
The monkey on his back was grateful for his morning dose of nicotine. Gordo exhaled the smoke, looking out over the peaceful neighborhood. Little kids were playing kickball in the street, making the best of those last days of summer. The early afternoon sun beat down on them.  
  
"Let's grab Lizzie and go swimming today," Miranda suggested, feeling the heat.  
  
Gordo wrinkled his nose and took another drag of his cigarette. "Where at? I really don't trust the sanitation of the public pool."  
  
Miranda rolled her eyes at her friend. "Screw sanitation, Gordo. It's hot as hell today. Besides, its not like we have anything better to do."  
  
He shrugged. "All right, all right."  
  
Miranda nodded with satisfaction. There was a brief moment of silence. "So... did you think things over yesterday?"  
  
Gordo laughed bitterly. "I thought things over all day and night. Nothing makes any more sense than it did yesterday."  
  
"You're such a dork, Gordo. I thought you were smart, but apparently not. Let me spell it out for you: blow Parker off. There's no question. Think about it. Would you actually dump Lizzie for Parker?"  
  
"Of course not. But..."  
  
"But nothing. I tried to be patient with you yesterday, because I thought the answer would be as obvious to you as it is to me. Deal with this, Gordo. Don't let it go on."  
  
Gordo sighed. "Okay. All right. Fine. I'll call Parker tonight... I'll break it off with her."  
  
Miranda smiled and pat Gordo on the head. "Good boy."  
  
An hour later, the two of them plus Lizzie were at the gate of the public pool, paying to get in. They parted ways to enter, Miranda and Lizzie going through the girls' locker room, and Gordo going through the boys'. When he walked into the pool area, Gordo grimaced. Apparently, everyone in the county had the same idea as Miranda, and the pool was crowded with sun- scorched parents and screaming children.  
  
"Gordo!" said a familiar voice.  
  
Gordo turned to see Parker running towards him in a bright blue bikini top and a flowered skirt wrapped around her. "Oh, hey," he replied, keeping his eyes from wandering. He marveled at how even though he had seen her naked, he never tired of seeing her soft curves.  
  
"Just oh, hey?" Parker looked past Gordo and spotted Miranda and Lizzie coming out of the girls' locker room at the opposite end of the pool area. "Ah, I see. I guess I ought to scram. Drop by my house sometime tonight, okay? I've got a fabulous surprise." Parker promptly scampered off, a mischievous grin still lingering on her face. Gordo found himself unable to resist watching the swivel of her hips as she walked away, and felt absolutely tortured by that grin of hers.  
  
"Wow," said Lizzie, walking over to Gordo and wrapping her arm around his. "It's pretty crowded."  
  
"Eh, no big deal," said Miranda. "We're bigger than them. We'll just push them out of the way." Lizzie giggled and Gordo shook his head; the three of them worked their way through the crowd and jumped into the pool.  
  
Watching Gordo and Lizzie splash each other, having fun and smiling together, made Miranda happy. She watched with love as the two of them flirted. She scolded herself for ever having been jealous of them. It was true, when they first got together, Miranda felt left out and abandoned. But that frustrating period gave her time to think things through. She learned more about her own identity, and acquired the maturity to be happy for her two best friends. As she looked at them in the pool that day, the perfect picture of a couple, she wondered how anyone could be anything BUT happy for them.  
  
Her eyes wandered across the pool. She saw Parker, wet and gleaming with sun tan lotion and surrounded by several boys from school. Miranda sighed and shook her head. Why did things have to be so complicated? After several unpleasant confrontations in middle school, Miranda had grown to like Parker. It was in high school, when Miranda began to shed her prep persona and be more comfortable with who she was, that she began to appreciate Parker even more. But at the moment, Parker was in the way. Parker had guys- - and girls, for that matter-- throwing themselves at her feet all the time. Why did she need Gordo? Lizzie and Gordo were meant for each other. Miranda knew this, and she wanted it with all her heart to remain true. Something would have to be done about Parker, and if Gordo couldn't get rid of her himself, Miranda would have to step in.  
  
"Hey, I'm going to go get a coke," said Gordo, tearing Miranda away from her thoughts. "You guys want anything?"  
  
"Sure," said Lizzie. "How about a cherry coke?"  
  
"Wait," said Miranda quickly, moving out of the pool. "You guys stay here. I'll get the drinks."  
  
"Are you sure?" asked Gordo.  
  
"Positive. You two stay here. Have fun. Be couple-ish." Miranda quickly climbed out of the pool as Lizzie and Gordo gave her confused looks. But Miranda wasn't worried about getting weird looks. She didn't want Gordo to wander off alone, giving Parker an opportunity to approach him.  
  
As Miranda got in line at the concession stand, she noticed an extremely familiar brunette in front of her. She grinned; it was just the girl she needed to talk to.  
  
"Hey, Parker," said Miranda in a friendly, almost flirtatious tone.  
  
Parker turned slightly to see who was speaking to her. "Oh. Hi, Miranda," she replied.  
  
"I haven't talked to you in awhile. how have things been going for you?"  
  
"They've been fine, I guess."  
  
Miranda nodded, trying to act casual. "You know, just the other day I was thinking about you."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yeah. I was wondering why we don't date anymore."  
  
Parker suddenly gave her full attention. There was obviously something more here than just idle chit-chat. She cocked a suspicious eyebrow at Miranda. "Well, in the first place, we never did date. You and I just. experimented."  
  
Miranda shrugged innocently. "Oh. My bad. I didn't realize you weren't into girls any more."  
  
"Regardless of what I'm into, Miranda, I'm having a hard time understanding why you've come up to me out of the blue to start hitting on me."  
  
Miranda's face showed nothing; the mark of the expert liar. "Like I said, I've just been thinking about you lately."  
  
Parker sighed. "Well, in any case, I'm involved with someone. Sorry."  
  
"Involved?" Miranda's eyes moved across the concrete area to the pool, where Gordo was playfully splashing his girlfriend. "You don't mean Gordo, do you? I mean, he's pretty involved himself. You don't actually think of him as your boyfriend, do you?"  
  
Parker became uneasy, though she tried not to show it in her eyes. "What are you talking about?"  
  
"No need to play innocent. I've known about you and Gordo for a while now. Kind of hard not to, with you sneaking in and out of his house all the time." Parker started to turn a little pale. "But like I said, don't worry! I'm not going to tell anyone. It's just." She looked over at Gordo and Lizzie once more. Parker followed her eyes, watching the couple. They acted like they were the only two people in the world. "Well, I wouldn't get too serious about Gordo."  
  
"Serious? Gordo? Of course not." Parker regained her confidence. "I know exactly what I'm doing, okay? I don't get serious about anyone. Gordo and me are just for fun."  
  
Miranda gave Parker a challenging stare. "Right. Well, keep my offer in mind, okay?"  
  
Parker said nothing. She nodded vaguely, but her eyes were focused upon Gordo and his girlfriend. 


	4. Cheese Pizza and Lingerie

After a long afternoon at the pool, Parker went home and relaxed. She changed into a flowing white peasant blouse and worn-out jeans and pulled her hair into a sloppy pony tail. She camped out on the couch and argued with her sister about what to watch. Her parents, of course, weren't home. They had been at seaside resort for the past few weeks, leaving Parker to tend to Madison, her least favorite person in the world. The evening wore on, and Parker kept glancing at the clock, hoping that Gordo would show up.  
  
The doorbell rang. Parker jumped off the couch and practically flew to the door. Her face fell, however, as she was greeted by a man in a red hat holding a pizza box.  
  
"Wrong address, dude," she said in a dull voice. "No one ordered a pizza."  
  
"That's mine!" squealed Madison from the couch.  
  
Parker glared at her little sister. "What? You ordered a freaking pizza? I can't believe you!"  
  
Madison apparently felt no remorse. "I was hungry!"  
  
Parker sighed and rolled her eyes, turning back to the pizza guy. "Well, I guess we'll take it then. How much?"  
  
"Thirteen-twenty," the pizza guy replied, tucking a dread lock behind his ear. "Hey... don't I know you? Didn't I get high with you at Richard's party that one time?"  
  
Parker fished a few bills out of her pocket and handed them to the pizza guy. She gave him a condescending look as she took the pizza from his hands. "I was probably there, sure, but I wasn't getting high, thank you. That's not my thing, daddio. Keep the change." She promptly slammed the door in his face.  
  
She peered into the pizza box: extra cheese. Well, at least Maddy had done one thing right and ordered the right kind. She took out a steaming slice and carried the rest of it over to the couch. Madison grinned happily as she placed the over-sized pizza box on her lap and helped herself. Only moments later, the doorbell rang again and Parker leapt up once more.  
  
"Gordo," she said with a relieved smile as she opened the door.  
  
"Hey Parker," said Gordo less-than-happily. He stepped inside the house and waved to Madison, who's face was already covered in sauce and gooey cheese.  
  
"Hi, Gordo!" she said. She held out the cardboard box. "Want some pizza?"  
  
He grinned at the younger girl. "Sure. Why not?" He moved to the couch and reach into the box. Parker casually slid in beside him. He suddenly felt uncomfortable as to how close she was to him. She was beautiful in her comfy clothes, and with her hair out of her face so that it radiated a pleasant warmth to him. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to curl up with her on that couch and stay there all night, eating cheese pizza and talking about things like jazz music and unusual shoes. But he prevented himself from touching her, because he was trying to stay true to his decision to break it off with her that night. The only obstacle was finding the words.  
  
"Don't you want to know what the surprise is?" Parker asked, mildly shocked that that hadn't been the first thing he mentioned.  
  
"What?" Gordo said. "Oh. Yeah." He had been so busy practicing his break-up speech that he had forgotten all about Parker's surprise.  
  
That same mischievious but beautiful grin spread across her face as she fished out a folded-up piece of paper from her pocket and placed it in Gordo's hand.  
  
"What's this?" he asked, unfolding it.  
  
"Those are directions."  
  
Gordo stared at her. "Directions to what?"  
  
"To our house up at the lake. I found someone to watch Maddy this weekend. You and I get to spend our last weekend of the summer together at the lake. Isn't it great?"  
  
"No," interrupted Madison with a mouth full of pizza. "I'm not going to one of your weird friends' house, Parker. I want to come."  
  
Parker shot an icy glare at her sister. "Shut the hell up, Maddy."  
  
"I'm telling Mom you said hell!"  
  
"No you're not, stupid, because you said it, too." Madison shoved another piece of pizza in her mouth and said nothing more.  
  
Gordo stared at the piece of paper, battling his thoughts. The immediate thought that popped into his mind was, Great! But then he remembered why he had shown up at Parker's in the first place. He had to end it. He had to make a clean break with Parker and put it all behind him. He had to let it go.  
  
But then again, she looked so pretty when the lights hit her face just right. He watched with loving amusement as she fought with her sister. Parker had gone through all the trouble to set this weekend up, and to find a babysitter for Madison... it would be a shame to let it go to waste. Surely it wouldn't hurt to spend just one more weekend with her. Yeah, he told himself, that would work. They could have one more good time together, and then they could simply go their seperate ways.  
  
"Uh... sounds great," said Gordo at last, after battling in his mind. He stood up. "I... uh, I guess I better go."  
  
Parker stood up, too. "You don't have to go, you know." She mentally scolded herself for sounding too urgent. "I mean, you could hang out for awhile; we've got plenty of pizza."  
  
"When she says 'hang-out' she means 'make-out'!" Madison said with a giggle.  
  
Parker rolled her eyes. "Shut up, damn it. You don't even know what make- out means."  
  
Gordo laughed softly. "Gee, Parker. You'll make a great parent someday," he said with sarcasm.  
  
Parker couldn't help but laugh. "Me? No way. I'm not going to be anybody's mommy, thank you. The whole married-with-kids thing just isn't my scene, daddio. Who could ever live their life tied down like that?"  
  
Gordo frowned slightly in confusion. "You really mean that? You don't ever want to get married or have a family or anything."  
  
She wrinkled her nose. "No way. Every day I look at my parents, and I see that happy, free person hiding somewhere in there eyes. I can see how they used to be happy, but they just got so deep in this whole 'happy family' scene that they've lost it. It's not cool at all, man."  
  
Gordo shrugged. "I guess I just can't really see things from that paradigm. Everyone needs someone." There was an awkward pause. It was one of few conversations that they had where they didn't agree on the topic. "I'll see you later." He waved and walked out the door.  
  
Parker went back and sat on the couch, getting comfortable for another boring night alone with TV, junk food, and the hellacious little sister.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"This is boring! I wanna go to the toy store!" Madison screeched. Parker had brought her with her to the mall the next day, but it was nearly impossible to stop at all the stores she wanted with Madison's constant complaining.  
  
"Madison Denise McKenzie!" Parker growled, placing her hands on her hips in exasperation. "Stop acting like a total neanderthal." She fished into her pocket and handed her sister a five dollar bill. "Take this next door to the arcade and get quarters. But don't go anywhere else!" Madison grinned at the bill in her hands and wasted no time in scampering off.  
  
Parker sighed with relief and continued walking through the CD store. After browsing through the first few rows of rock albums, she moved to the next aisle to look for some good jazz. As she shuffled through the CDs, she heard two familiar female voices on the opposite side of the aisle. She would have continued about her business and ignored them, but when she heard her own name, she was forced to stop and listen  
  
"I hung out with her middle school, and she seemed almost normal then," said one of the girls; Parker recognized it to be Carol Flint. "But now she hangs out with all those older people, going to hippie festivals and whatnot. It's so weird. I guess I have to give her props for her fashion sense, though. And she does seem to know how to work the guys..."  
  
"Oh, but doesn't she?" a catty voice jumped in. It was immediately identifiable as Veruca Ruark. "And you'll never guess who she's fooling around with now."  
  
"Who?" Carol's voice was eager for a juicy slice of gossip.  
  
"David Gordon."  
  
Carol gasped. On the other side, Parker gasped a little, too. How could anyone possibly know about that? "No way!" Carol seemed offended and disbelieving. "Sure, that sounds like something she would do, but that doesn't seem like Gordo at all. He's way too smart to do something like that."  
  
"He may be smart, but that doesn't make him any less of a guy. Even the smartest guys are known to stop thinking with their brains and start thinking with their pants."  
  
Carol giggled and gasped at the same time. "Veruca! What an awful thing to say! Besides, I know Gordo would NEVER EVER cheat on Lizzie!"  
  
"Whatcha up to, girlie?" said a voice. Parker dropped her shopping bag from shock. She had focused so much on eavesdropping that she hadn't noticed Miranda walk right up to her.  
  
"Oh... Um... Nothing," Parker replied, slightly disappointed that she couldn't listen to the rest of the conversation. "Just looking for some CDs."  
  
"Ah." Miranda peered over to the row Parker was looking through, and pulled out a CD. "Charles Mingus, eh? Gordo's favorite."  
  
Parker blushed. "Is it?" she lied rather unconvincingly. "What a coincidence."  
  
"I'm sure. This wouldn't happen to be a little mood music for this weekend, would it?"  
  
Parker's eyes grew wide. "What?"  
  
"Oh, Gordo mentioned it to me the other day." That was a stretch on the truth; Miranda had actually dragged it out of him. "Oh, and what's this?" Miranda snatched the other shopping bag from Parker and searched through it. She found a few scented candles, and then pulled out a black lace bra and panties. She smiled innocently. "Wow, Parker. This would be an interesting look for you, wouldn't it?"  
  
Parker promptly snatched the undergarments and bag from Miranda and put them away. "What's it to you what I wear under my clothes?"  
  
"Nothing. It's just... Well, candles, music, expensive lingerie? You seem to be going out of your way to make this into a romantic weekend. Why bother with romance if it's 'just for fun'?"  
  
"What are you implying?"  
  
"Oh, come on, Parker. Don't lie to yourself. Even I can see it: Parker the Heartless has actually fallen for someone. Normally I'd say more power to you, but this is a way different situation."  
  
Parker averted Miranda's gaze. "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't fallen for anyone. Love and romance aren't my scene."  
  
Miranda reached out and placed a sympathetic hand on Parker's shoulder. "Parker, you're not stupid. So don't act like you are. You've got it bad for Gordo, I know you do. But you know it would never work out, don't you? He might have a thing for you now, but that's going to wear off sooner or later. He's never going to give up on Lizzie. Don't you think he would have dumped her by now? But he didn't." Parker looked up again, and Miranda caught her eye. "You're an awesome person, Parker. I don't want to see you get hurt. Let it go now, before you get so far into this that it just destroys you. If you end it first, it won't hurt so bad." She changed her tone, and grinned slyly. "Why don't you and I go up to the lake this weekend, instead? It'll be the perfect thing to get Gordo off your mind."  
  
"I... uh... I gotta go. My little sister is waiting on me in the arcade." Parker moved past Miranda and hurried out of the CD store. She entered the arcade and wrenched Madison from one of the games.  
  
"Hey!" Madison whined. "I'm not ready to go yet!"  
  
"I don't care, dork, we're going home right now!" Parker had to fight hard to prevent herself from crying as they rushed to the parking lot.  
  
Miranda was right. Parker had actually grown to love Gordo in the past few months, and she hated it. She didn't want to be in love, especially not with Gordo. It shattered everything she believed. And now random girls at the mall were gossiping about her, too. It was too much, and it just wasn't worth the pain. She had to end her relationship with Gordo before she got in over her head.  
  
Then again... what could one more weekend hurt? Yeah, that'll work, she told herself. After this weekend, it's over. 


	5. Tears and S'mores

Gordo sat in the passenger's seat of Miranda's car, staring at the sunlit trees as they rushed past through the window. The two of them sat in an uncomfortable silence.  
  
Miranda sighed. "I still can't believe I agreed to give you a ride," she said irritably. "I thought you were going to break up with Parker days ago?"  
  
"I was," said Gordo. His stomach churned in that familiar way, the way it felt when he was trapped between feeling happy and feeling sad. "There was just a change in plans." Miranda gave him a disapproving glare. "Look, don't worry, I'm breaking it off with her after this weekend. Really, I am."  
  
"Somehow I find it hard to trust you."  
  
Gordo sighed. "Why do you even care so much?"  
  
"I care because you're giving Lizzie, my best friend by the way, the total shaft." She turned the car and started to head up the long dirt road to the McKenzie's cabin.  
  
Gordo glanced at Miranda, and then turned to look out the window. The sun was low in the sky, not far away from sunset, pouring gold through the trees. He ran his hands through his mess of curls. "I know. Lizzie doesn't deserve what I'm doing to her. I love her. But sometimes... it just seems like its too perfect. It's too sugarcoated and plastic. When I think of love and passion, I just don't think of Lizzie."  
  
"Oh, boo-hoo," said Miranda harshly. "That's the worst excuse I've ever heard. Too perfect? Get over yourself, Gordo! Don't feed yourself all this philosophical bull shit just to make sense of your selfishness. You just want to keep Lizzie and get some action at the same time, and you know it."  
  
He drew his eyes away from the window and looked at her, slightly angry. "Well, aren't those lovely sentiments? What do you want from me, Miranda? I'm human. I can't have the answers all the time. I can't always be perfect, okay? I can't always be perfect, and that's why this is killing me inside!" Miranda said nothing. Gordo reached over and placed his hand on her shoulder, softening his gaze and tone. "Look, when you came out this year, I wasn't exactly happy. I was a little freaked out, and I didn't really agree with what you were doing. But I was there for you. I supported you the whole way through, because I care about you. Is it too much for me to ask the same when I'm having my own little identity crisis?"  
  
"That was different. I wasn't hurting anybody." Her voice was soft and defeated. There seemed to be nothing more either of them could say.  
  
The McKenzies' cabin was extremely nice. Gordo stared up at it, impressed. He sometimes forgot how well off Parker's parents were whenever he was around her. She never acted like the rich spoiled type. Miranda pulled into the gravel driveway.  
  
"Thanks again for the ride," said Gordo as he climbed out of the car.  
  
Miranda nodded vaguely in response. As soon as he was out of the car, she tore out of the driveway. Gordo watched her go, feeling bad about the argument they'd had. He knew he wasn't doing the right thing, but at the same time he really didn't want to hurt anybody. Relax, he told himself. Just clear your mind and have a good weekend. Then you can work on making everything right again.  
  
He walked up to the porch and knocked on the door. Wind chimes clanged as he waited. Parker came to the door, smiling when she saw Gordo. "Come on in," she said. "Get this... I've gone temporarily crazy and actually attempted to cook something."  
  
Gordo laughed softly, and entered the lakeside cabin just as the sun began to sink into the water.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Parker giggled softly to herself as she lay sprawled across a quilt on her stomach. She held a stick with a marshmallow at the end of it and held it into the fireplace. She and Gordo had finished their meal and watched some independent film that Parker had picked out. It was nearing midnight, but neither of them were tired.  
  
"What's so funny?" asked Gordo.  
  
"I know this sounds weird, but... I've never made s'mores before," said Parker. She pulled her marshmallow out of the fire and blew out the flame.  
  
Gordo laughed. "Are you serious?" Parker nodded. "How is that even possible? What childhood is complete without s'mores? Besides, don't you hippie types go camping all the time? How can you go camping and not make s'mores?"  
  
She kicked him playfully as she sat up. She reached over and collected two graham crackers from the plate that sat between them. "I don't know, I've just never done it before. I guess s'mores were too normal for my parents. We'd always have things like sushi and fondue on our family camping trips." Gordo laughed again. Parker shook her head at him as she tried to pull the hot marshmallow from her stick and transfer it to the crackers. "Oh, sure, laugh all you want. But it's true." She grunted in dissatisfaction as she failed in removing the marshmallow. Instead, she had a sticky white mess all over her fingers. "Maybe my parents made the right decision after all. This s'mores thing is fucking crazy."  
  
Gordo set down his own stick and slid over to assist Parker, laughing as he did so. "Don't be so quick to judge," he said, taking her graham crackers and grabbing a piece of chocolate. "You just need some practice." The two of them laughed as Gordo helped to scrape the marshmallow from her fingers and spread it on the crackers. He squished together the messy sandwich and fed it to Parker. "There. How's that?"  
  
"It'sghhd," she said with her mouth full. She swallowed and looked at her fingers. "I'm still a little sticky though."  
  
Gordo grinned and leaned forward, kissing her fingers and softly licking up the marshmallow.  
  
"Oh. Well, there's a creative solution." Gordo stopped and looked at her. They watched each other for a moment, examining each of their faces as the fire lit them up. Gordo smiled to himself at how cute Parker looked with marshmallow smeared under her lip. He leaned forward and kissed her slowly.  
  
Parker tossed the rest of her s'more onto the plate on the floor and slowly leaned backwards, until Gordo was on top of her as he kissed her. She ran her fingers through his hair, loving the comforting feeling of twisting her fingers through his familiar curls. Gordo's hands rested on her shoulders, his arms relaxed across her chest. The fire crackled and popped a few feet away, and the wind chimes could be heard clanging gently outside.  
  
Gordo pulled away slowly, and looked at Parker as she rested beneath him and looked up into his eyes. Out of nowhere, Lizzie appeared in his head. He imagined that it was Lizzie he was holding in his arms, that it was Lizzie's kisses he needed so badly. He tried to think of what a weekend alone with Lizzie would be like. He looked down at Parker again, who was giving him a curious glance.  
  
"What are you thinking?" she asked.  
  
"I'm thinking..." he began, his voice sounding slightly far away.  
  
"Gordo? Gordo, what's wrong? Are you crying?" Parker was puzzled.  
  
Indeed, Gordo's eyes were watering up. "I'm thinking that I love you."  
  
Parker let out an annoyed sigh as she sat up, gently pushing Gordo off of her. "Gordo, we've been through this before..."  
  
"No. No, okay? Why do you do that, Parker?" He wiped his eyes, choking back tears that desperately wanted to fall. "Why do you always throw it back in my face like that? You make it sound like those words don't mean anything. I mean them, Parker. This has been killing me for months now. Why won't you just let me say it? I love you." Parker cringed as he said the words again. Tears streamed quietly down Gordo's cheeks and his voice grew angry. "Why do you do this, Parker?! Don't you get it? There's no one else I would want to share this moment with but you! I fell in love with you, and all I've wanted for so long now was to tell you that, and all you ever do is shove it right back like it's nothing. Is that what I am to you, Parker? Nothing? Am I just a good screw? I bet you'd share this moment with anyone, wouldn't you? It doesn't matter, as long as Parker gets some, right?"  
  
"Oh, how would you know?" she snapped. Unlike Gordo, her demeanor was much more composed and without emotion. "Listen to me when I tell you that YOU DON'T LOVE ME. I like you, Gordo. I like you alot. You're my best friend."  
  
"Friend?" Gordo asked in disgust, his voice cracking.  
  
"Yes, friend! Is that such a bad thing? Romance is a load of shit, Gordo. You should know that better than anyone, with your little fluffy-cake fairy tale girlfriend. You're smart, Gordo, so I thought you'd know that 'love' is just an over-budget movie with a crappy ending. Sure, the sex is great, but it's purely physical. Only fools attach emotion to it. I totally dig what I have with you, and I'm not going to blow it by playing along with your glossed-over delusion that you're in love with me. There's no such thing as love, all right? So don't waste your tears on me." Her last words had a biting harshness to them, but even as she spoke them, she could feel tears forming behind her own eyes. She swallowed hard.  
  
Gordo stared into the fire, not daring to look Parker in the eye. Tears still poured, and he ached. "I love you"-- Those were supposed to be the magic words. He loved Parker, needed her, wanted her, was too scared to let go of her. It wasn't easy loving her. It wasn't easy to be around her and feel the way he felt, because he knew that somewhere else, Lizzie was loving and trusting him. "Just for fun"-- He wanted so badly to believe that what he had with Parker was just for fun, and that Lizzie was the real deal. Lizzie made sense. Loving Lizzie was always easy. Life with Lizzie was a perfect world, without the pain and confusion and torment that Parker brought.  
  
He pulled his eyes away from the fire, and looked at Parker. She was staring at the floor. He reached out and took her hand. She still did not look up; she only gazed at their intertwined fingers. With Parker, things were anything but perfect. With Parker, there would always be hurting.  
  
And he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he loved Parker more than he had ever loved anyone before. 


	6. Revealed Secrets and Crushed Friendships

Gordo woke up to someone pounding on the front door. He had been asleep on the floor, still clutching Parker's hand. He looked over her as she slept and frowned. She hadn't said anything else for the rest of the night, and Gordo was still scared of what she might say. All he could do was wait.

He got up and walked to the door, still wearing his clothes from the day before. He noticed the clock on the wall read 9:00 AM. He swung open the door and morning sunshine stung his tired eyes. His jaw dropped to see Lizzie on the front porch.

Lizzie gasped and her eyes grew wide as she saw Gordo at the door. "Oh my God..." she said, looking away from him. "You're actually here. I didn't think you would actually be here." She started crying.

"Lizzie?" he asked, still confused. He stepped onto the porch and shut the door behind him. "What... what are you doing here?"

She threw her head up angrily at him. "What am I doing here? What the hell are you doing here?" She looked awful, tears streaming from red eyes. Lizzie rarely swore, so Gordo knew she had to be upset.

"It's a long story..." Gordo stared up at the wind chimes, which were no longer moving. How could he possibly explain everything to her? This definitely wasn't how he pictured breaking the news to her. "How did know I was here?"

Lizzie stared at him in disbelief. "Is that all you care about? The fact that you got caught? You told me you were going to visit your grandmother, and I find you all alone at the lake in Parker McKenzie's house! And all that bothers you is the fact that you got caught? How could you do this to me?!"

It hit him hard. The past few months with Parker had felt like a game. He was so tired of being Lizzie's boyfriend that he just forgot all about her and found a new toy to play with. He hadn't counted on falling in love. But even worse than that, he hadn't stopped to really think how this would effect Lizzie. He couldn't stand to see her so upset. 

"Things just got out of control," Gordo said simply. "Things have been out of control in my life for awhile now, and I just didn't know how to deal with any of it." Lizzie was still crying, barely listening. He moved towards her and placed his hands on her shoulders; she would not look him in the eye. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I can't even tell you enough how sorry I am. But I've figured it all out now... I think... and I'm going to try to fix everything."

"I just don't see how you could do it. What did I do wrong? I thought things were going great with us. Did you... I mean..." She choked on the words. "Did you sleep with her?"

There was a sad silence. Gordo wrapped his arms around her and held her for a moment, letting her cry. "I love you, Lizzie. I know I've done alot of things wrong, but you should at least know that I've always loved you." Lizzie only cried harder. She looked awful, the same way she'd looked when Ronnie broke up with her. Gordo sighed. He looked past her shoulder, still holding her in his arms, and saw Jo McGuire's car parked in front of the house.

"Lizzie?" asked Gordo. "Did you drive here all by yourself?"

Lizzie pulled away, wiping her face. "Well, I was so angry when I found out I just wanted to jump in the car and chase you down." She sobbed some more.

"Okay, well, it's okay. I tell you what, I'll drive you back home. We've got alot to talk about. Just let me get my stuff, all right?" Lizzie did not answer. She sat down on the porch and buried her face in her hands. Gordo sighed and walked back into the house. He was surprised to see Parker standing by the window, having been listening the whole time.

"Lizzie found out," he said simply.

Parker nodded. "I noticed. Good luck patching things up with her."

"Yeah. I've got to drive her home... she deserves a good explanation, so that'll give us plenty of time to talk. It's going to be hard putting everything into words." Parker nodded, seemingly uninterested. "You know I'm breaking up with her, right?"

She drew her eyes to him, as if he'd said something she wasn't expecting. "Why?"

Gordo stared at her incredulously. "What? I told you, Parker. I love you. It's you I want to be with."

"Oh." Parker shook her head. "I didn't think you were still on that whole thing."

Gordo felt himself getting angry again. Didn't she care that he had chosen her? Wasn't she at all flattered that he'd picked imperfect her over perfect Lizzie? "I still don't get why you're acting like this." His eyes flashed desperation as he took a step closer to her and placed his hand on her shoulder.

She moved away from him. "Please don't. I think it's best if... if we don't see each other anymore. You're just too clingy for my tastes, daddio."

He stared in disbelief, waiting and hoping she would say something more. She just stood there, not meeting his eyes. Finally he just shook his head and walked away. He retrieved his bags and angrily marched out the door. He wrapped his arm around the sobbing Lizzie, holding her close as he walked her to the car.

Parker watched them leave through the window, light tears dripping down her face.

---------

__

I tried calling Parker's house for days, but she wouldn't answer her phone. I kept thinking she might call and tell me everything was an act, and that she really did love me, too. But she never did. Stuff like that only comes true with Lizzie, because Lizzie's all part of the "fluffy-cake fairy tale." I feel like such a dirk. I can't believe I fell so hard for Parker, screwing up everything I had with Lizzie, only to find out she doesn't give a damn. Maybe she was playing me all along, or maybe I was just too stupid to see the truth. 

After the car ride home with Lizzie, we came to the conclusion that we both needed time to think. I wanted to break up with her, to finally get free of this ridiculous cycle I keep slipping into, but I was so upset over Parker that I didn't want to feel alone. I had already lost Parker, and I was too afraid of pushing away Lizzie as well. I'm going over to her house tonight to talk some more. I can't let myself cling to the hope of Parker any more. I'll just grovel my ass off and see if I can win Lizzie back. Things will go back to their sickeningly normal routine. Everything will be like it was before. I was a fool for thinking I could ever have anything other than this plastic snowglobe of a world I live in. August 14, 2004

Gordo set down his pen and closed his journal. He sighed deeply as he reached into his dresser drawer and fished around for his cigarettes. He found one and lit it, laying back on his bed as he inhaled. There was suddenly a knock at his door, causing him to jump and drop his cigarette. "Shit," he mumbled as the tip burned him. He quickly smothered the cigarette in a book and closed the book tightly around it. "Uh... come in," he said.

The door open and Miranda entered. "Hi," she said quietly. They hadn't spoken since the day she gave him a ride to the lake. "Can I bum a smoke?"

He rolled his eyes and pulled out his pack of cigarettes. "You really don't deserve one," he said, pulling out one for her and another for himself. "You just made me ruin one."

Miranda shrugged and took the cigarette from him, sitting beside him on his bed as he lit it for her. They sat silently smoking for a moment.

"Is that the only reason you came by?" asked Gordo at last.

"No," said Miranda. "I came to see how you were doing. Lizzie called me Saturday night when I got off work, crying and spilling the whole story." She paused. "So you finally broke up with Parker?"

Gordo chortled bitterly. "Not exactly. But whatever. The details aren't important now. I'm right back where I started, good old one-girl Gordo. Lizzie and I are most likely getting back together tonight. So you can finally be happy, okay?"

She frowned. "I only wanted what was best for you guys. Parker's great, but not as a girlfriend. She's just weird like that. You and Lizzie are the most awesome people I know, and you deserve each other. I was only trying to help."

Gordo turned and looked at her for a moment. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"What's what supposed to mean?" She tried to look innocent.

His tone was accusing. "You said you were only trying to help... what exactly were you helping with?"

"Oh... nothing... I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you the one who told Lizzie?" he asked angrily. "Did you go behind my back?"

She slid off the bed and stood up defensively. "So what if I did? You'd probably still be sleeping around if I hadn't done something."

"Oh, so suddenly you're the big moral meter, are you? What the hell gives you the right to decide when to intervene in my life?" Both of them glared icily at one another. There were obviously quite a few emotions between them that were unresolved.

"I was doing the right thing, Gordo! Don't you get it? Parker doesn't give a flying fuck about you, and I saved you from her. I was the one who salvaged your relationship with Lizzie. You should be thanking me! Parker sure did."

Gordo's eyes widened. "What? What the hell? What have you been telling Parker behind my back? Just how long have you been digging through my personal life like it's some kind of game?"

"I know alot more about Parker than you could imagine, trust me." Miranda realized she was telling him more than was nessecary, but she was a stubborn girl and once she got started it was hard for her to back down. She felt a lump form in her throat and her stomach was unsettled. "Look, you just... you don't understand how Parker operates. All she was going to do was lead you on and screw things up for everyone. I was the only one who cared; I was the only one who was paying close enough attention to see that it was all going to hell! I did the right thing, Gordo, I did the right thing!" Her voice cracked as she tried to reassure herself.

Gordo couldn't look her in the eye. "I can't believe you. After everything we've been through together. After everything I've done for you..."

"Oh, don't make yourself out to be some hero. You've screwed me over plenty of times, Gordo..."

"Go to hell! How could you do this to me?! How could I ever trust you again when I know you were messing things up the whole time?"

"How can ANYONE ever trust you after everything you did to Lizzie? Or even to me and Parker?" Miranda felt bitter tears creep down her face as she felt things spiraling out of control. "I was only trying to help, Gordo. I swear to God."

"Sure. I'm sure the fact that you wanted Parker, too, had nothing to do with it. I've seen how you act around her," he added harshly as she opened her mouth to interrupt. "Just... just go..." He seemed to be fighting off more intense frustrations. "I don't ever want to talk to you again."

Miranda stared at him for a moment longer, the two former best friends locked in a cold gaze. She shook her head with a sort of ironic smile and marched out the door.


	7. Michelle Branch and The Finale

Note: The song lyrics in this chapter are from "Something to Sleep To" by Michelle Branch. Updated note: Oops, wait, no they're not. Because the man always gets you down.

Parker sat alone in a booth at High Street, drinking coffee and picking at a banana muffin. She sighed heavily, staring dreamily through the glass windows. Miranda approached the booth, refilling Parker's cup.

"I get off in about ten minutes," she said. "And then we'll go somewhere. I thought we'd take a look at that new club downtown."

"Sounds great," Parker replied half-heartedly. Miranda tried to give a comforting smile as she walked away.

School started in two days. Parker was ready for it; she needed a distraction. She had already agreed to start seeing Miranda, hoping that would distract her from everything, but even that wasn't enough. She couldn't stop thinking about Gordo. She kept wishing things weren't so complicated. Why couldn't she and Gordo just be together, the way they had been before, without all the fluff and heavy emotions?

She wanted to be with Gordo, but she didn't want to be in love. If things got serious like that, she wouldn't be in control any more. Things could go wrong. People could get hurt. Parker liked it better when you just love whoever you wanted whenever you wanted, without chaining yourself to one single person or ideal. No one got hurt that way.

But that's a lie, she thought to herself. People did get hurt. Gordo got hurt. Lizzie got hurt. I got hurt. Even Miranda got hurt. I wish things could just be the way they were before!

Parker sipped her coffee and thought about the incident from the day before. She had been walking in the mall looking for new school clothes when she saw Gordo and Lizzie together. Arms wrapped around each other, walking with their heads in the clouds, looking at shoes together. It was the Kodak-moment thing Gordo and Parker would always make fun of when they were together.

Of course, Lizzie was completely wrapped up in it. She tugged on Gordo's arm lovingly and jumped up and down with excitement as she pointed out the "it" pair of shoes. Could Gordo even care less? Parker had wondered to herself as she watched them enviously. Or maybe Gordo did like things like that. Maybe Gordo really was better off with someone who was normal like Lizzie than with someone who lived in her own little world, like Parker. Parker chuckled bitterly at how easily Lizzie had forgiven Gordo. Lizzie just wanted to get on with their happy perfect life, and push the memory of Parker the weirdo hippie-whore out of their minds.

'Listen to me when I tell you that YOU DON'T LOVE ME.' That was what she told him. It gave her a pain in her stomach to think about it. She wasn't in love, right? It should be easy to just get over it and move on.

But it wasn't. She did want to be with Gordo, she did want the fluffy-cake dream. She wanted to be foolish and romantic and believe in something as moronic as love. That was why it hurt so much. 'Parker the Heartless has actually fallen for someone.' She smiled sadly at Miranda's words. She realized how much easier it was when she didn't have to worry about things like emotions and love and choices.

"All right," said Miranda, taking off her apron as she approached Parker's table. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

Parker smiled half-heartedly and left the diner. She watched through the windows as Miranda drove them, but she wasn't paying attention to where they were going. She was still lost in thoughts, trying without avail to convince herself that she didn't care about things like love. She tried to convince herself that she would be just fine. After all, who better to serve up the fairy tale than Lizzie McGuire? Gordo and Lizzie; those were the kinds of people meant for that stuff. Not Parker. No, she told herself miserably, not Parker.

Miranda pulled in someplace and suddenly they were parked. Parker looked around for a moment, after coming out of her daze, and realized that they were downtown at all. They were down at the park, right next to the gazebo.

"What the...?" said Parker, getting out of the car. She froze for a moment when she saw Gordo standing in the gazebo. She looked to Miranda with curiosity.

"I asked him to come," said Miranda simply. "Come on." Parker followed Miranda into the gazebo, confused and awed. Gordo looked at the two of them, equally confused.

"I just wanted to apologize to both of you guys," said Miranda. She laughed softly. "And you know how much I hate apologizing, so you've got to know that I really mean it. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I guess it wasn't really my place to interfere. I don't know what the right thing to do is, but I think I at least owe you guys a chance to figure it out on your own." She looked back and forth between the two of them. They didn't say anything. Miranda sighed and walked out of the gazebo.

Parker and Gordo just looked at one another, unsure.

"I'm sorry," said Gordo.

"For what?" said Parker.

Gordo shrugged. "I don't really know. It just seems like the thing to say. Something must have gone wrong somewhere... I just feel like I should apologize for whatever that was."

Parker sighed. "This is just way too confusing for me," she said plainly. "I'm really not used to all this freaking effort for something as simple as dating. I'll tell you one thing, though. This isn't anybody's fault. No one should have to say they're sorry. Stuff just happens... at least, that's how I've always thought of things."

"So... what now?"

Parker looked at the ground, then up at Gordo. She walked towards him, and took his hand in hers. "Do you still want to try? I mean, for real this time."

Gordo intertwined his fingers with Parker's. He took in a deep breath, thinking for a moment. Then he looked up at Parker, and smiled. "I think we'd be stupid not to. I mean, it never hurts to try."

Parker smiled and nodded. "Yeah."


End file.
